also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
