anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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