I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
