i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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