Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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