i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
