my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
