Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize