it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
