she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
