Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
