oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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