two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
