he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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