Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
