I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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