Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
