Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
