There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I AM VODKA MAN
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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