Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
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Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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