I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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