The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
