Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
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Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
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I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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