Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
