So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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