Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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