the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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