oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
