i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
