i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
