it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
