It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
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It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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