I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i came on her dog
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
