My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
