she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
