You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
