thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
