if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
