So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
