I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
