Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you will always have a special place in my vag
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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