Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I feel great
I just peed on a car
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
