youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
