You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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