Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
