I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
