if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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