Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
