and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We don't watch enough power rangers
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
