I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize