the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
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You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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