I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
