we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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