I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
