Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
