I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
