yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
