she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dignity is for republicans.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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