if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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