I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
