I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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