I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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