Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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