just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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