She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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