The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
