I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Can I color on your dick again?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
