you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Buhtt sex?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
