those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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