he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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