if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
