A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
