reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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