So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
