I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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