went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize