I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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