I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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