Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize