dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
