Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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