He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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