nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
