I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
